A man, H. Bud Chadwickson dressed smartly says, “Howdy, let’s talk about your mobile phone. We Americans spend way too much money on our phone bills!” He comes up to a board with a graph on it stating the average cell phone plan costs of 1800-2010. “And that’s just a fact!”
He starts on a tirade, saying, “These smart phone guys are working us over like a Carolina bearded tick on a baby hog’s ankle just-” Here he makes several clicking noises, and the man managing the graph also tries to click. ” It is unconscionable! Today, I’m offering you a simple solution.” The graph guy slides off the top graph and reveals another poster, this one saying ‘$19/month: unlimited everything’ with a phone on it. “19 bucks a month for all the everything you could want!”
The man who changed the posters snaps, “and that’s just a fact!” The salesman says, “Now; I see that, and I see savings!” It shows him in a bathtub full of money in front of a man made pond, with a cannon to the right side of the tub, whooping and yelling.
Back to the suit guy-“who’re all these Republic folk? Well the press has been talking about them hotter than my first wife on the last day of July! Hey, they’re spreading the word faster than goose fat on grits!” The poster man nods excitedly. “And that’s just a fact!” He walks toward the poster guy and says, “Hey tell us about it! Hey, why don’t you up there and go show ’em, show ’em how you do.”
He gives a pointer stick that he had been holding to the man and leads him up front, as the man looks about nervously. “This is Giles, he’s my first man, get at it, Giles!” A line of text appears at the bottom saying, GILES STANLEY: Associate Assistant Factuarian (First Man).
Giles stands there, unsure what to do, his smile staying there, and H. Bud Chadwickson walks back to him, saying, “Hey you’re terrible, hot crackers you’ve ruined my whole program.” Giles walks back to his place looking disappointed. There’s a beep and Giles is back up looking as nervous as last time.
H. Bud addresses Giles, saying, “Just say, Republic Wireless is hands down the best service you could possibly have, say it, go!” The man, looking out of place there, begins haltingly. “Re-public Wi-er-less is…” To help him, Chadwickson says, “Hands down,” and Giles puts his hands down.
Giving a little shake Chadwickson says, “no, no-” In a louder voice Giles says,”Hands-Hands down?” Addressing Chadwickson. There is another beep, and H. Bud is up again, saying, “Hey, they’re spreading the word faster than goose fat on grits” again, and then, “And that’s just a fact!”
Giles slides the poster away and shows a picture of him and H. Bud Chadwickson with wild eyes and hands up, and music starts up. Chadwickson looks at it and yells, “Hey, hey, that’s another presentation right there!” As Giles tries to take down the poster.
Whacking the board, Chadwickson states, “In conclusion, I suggest you switch to Republic Wireless.” A phone floats down into his hand. “You’re gonna save a lot of money, for pretty much nothing! And that’s just a fact!” Giles presses a button, and a stream of confetti sprays up into Chadwickson’s face. “Whoo!” It shows Chadwickson in his priceless money filled bathtub again, laughing maniacally as the cannon fires and says, Republicwireless.com/fact. Giles suddenly shows up and thrums with his mouth, which sounds like a mix between a growl and a purr.
Had the commercial been longer, Chadwickson would brought Republic Wireless promo codes for everyone to use and save a lot of money.